blog 5 - little monster active imagination

Loving my little monster.

I have been working with my dream of being on the toilet, and pooping out a large white egg with a tapeworm-like snake body attached to it and how the piece broke off as I was pulling the worm out like a long rope. 

Later in active imagination, the head of the worm turned out to be a baby crocodile like lizard, with sharp little teeth, but was a pathetic, mewling infant who aroused my pity and tenderness like any infant, however horrible the animal might be. I asked it what it needed and it said “love me” or something like that. 

And the feeling that came along with that was that I needed to love, cradle, and take tender care of that little monster inside me instead of trying to kill it, poison it, and blast it out of my body with laxatives or things like that. I cried in the AI, understanding how I have treated myself like a disgusting, scary monster when inside there is a vulnerable and helpless little rejected life. 

I understood that maybe this new life inside me doesn’t look desirable, but scary and aggressive or like a pest. Something nasty and snappy, something to treat with contempt. But really, it’s a valuable new life that I have refused to value and have been trying to kill off or flush out, instead of gestating it and allowing it to come to full fruition in life. Maybe many parts of our selves begin as small, monstrous little infants, and we infanticide or abort them too soon because we are afraid of them.

And I still want to know what is in the egg. The egg still hasn’t hatched, and it’s becoming a kind of rich inner mystery to me.

I had another active imagination recently where a large snake figure loomed up above me but not with intention to strike. It whispered in my ear with its soft hissing voice and was kindly. I sensed that it was an ally.